I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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