While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
