Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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