You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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