Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
