she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
