Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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