My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm really busy with my period
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