well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
