I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
