Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
