im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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