shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
