New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
