Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
