in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
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I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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