New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
