I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
