she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
