I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize