His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
