i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
