She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
