No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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