She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
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Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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