dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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