Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
