OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
