dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
