Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
