I think I am morally bankrupt
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
