I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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