I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
