My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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