Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Two words: nipple clamps
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