two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
