I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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