A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
