Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
