Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
