My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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