I'm so fucking centered right now
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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