i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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