Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
