Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
