I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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