I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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