ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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