i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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