I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she woke up with a sticky ear
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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