just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
