Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She even gives head with a lisp.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
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I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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