I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is Oprah even human
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
