If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
no, he came in my armpit
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
