Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
