FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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