I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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