Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
