Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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