OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
