either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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