we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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