There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
