dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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