When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i think i have two assholes
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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