After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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