Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
