Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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