I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's never too late to be topless.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
