Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
