i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
