...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
